As I've reflected on the events of this Holy Week-- the teachings of the Savior given in the last days of his life. A betrayal of a friend. His prayer in Gethsemane and his pleadings for some relief. Any relief. The mocking and injustice he endured. His crucifixion on the cross and the way the earth mourned for the death of such a righteous man. And finally, his resurrection and the empty tomb. My words have been silenced into humbled awes.
Over the last few years, I've gained a deeper appreciation and understanding of the atonement in my life. (But isn't that what is supposed to happen?) What I once thought was my deepest pain and trial at one time, I've come to understand as one of my greatest blessing from heaven. As I reflect on the blessings I've gained from the atonement in my life, the pains of that time are fresh in my mind.
As I have contemplated the Savior's prayer in Gethsemane-- Feeling utterly alone. Feeling a pain He, himself, was unsure he could endure. Pleading for any source of repose, any type of peace or aid from above. I remember the many days and numberless prayers I spent with a pain in my soul that I had no words for. Pleading for anything. Any source of comfort. Any glimpse of hope. Pleading to not feel so alone in my season. Pleading for anything. Literally anything.
And as I have contemplated the excruciating pain that I so often felt I couldn't endure one more moment...and the strength and the easing of pain that so often fell over me when I couldn't mutter anything through my tears but "please,....make it stop....". The comfort in knowing that because of what my Savior suffered, in anguish and entirely alone...I never, not once, was left entirely alone. That because of his understanding of MY pains, he knew how to help me get through them...overcome them...not be destroyed by those pains that I couldn't fight on my own... That because of his sufferings in Gethsemane he knew how to comfort my soul in the way I needed it most. Because of His sufferings in the garden, in my time of need, he cries with me when I cry, he smiles with me when I smile. He loved me that night in Gethsemane when he felt all my pains and all my sorrows. And he loves me still.
The atonement is far more than a way to gain forgiveness for the bad choices we may make. It is there for our pains. Our trials. Our weaknesses. Our imperfections. Our sorrows. Our joys. Our triumphs. Our hope of an ever bright future. In essence, the atonement is love. Such an act of love is enough. Enough to heal our hearts. Enough to push us farther; drive us to keep on going, to be something better than we are.
This Easter season,
As He was betrayed by someone he loved...by one of the people closest to him in his life...
As he knelt in the garden of Gethsemane...seeing every face...feeling every pain...every emotion...
As he carried his own heavy cross after so much torment and physical trying....
That as he hung on the cross and forgave the very people around him that had caused him even more pain...As he took upon himself their pains too....
As he was reverently laid in that humble tomb by those that loved him and by those whose hearts were hurting for his passing...
As he was resurrected and rose from that tomb without any grand affairs...silently and sacredly...
As he visited the throngs of people who loved him still...and let them touch the scars...how these people he loved so much were now "engraven upon the palms of His hands".....
I am ever so grateful for my Saviors personal love for me. For his willingness and suffering...because while I feel a pain in my heart for His suffering for ME....for the pains I caused Him as he knelt pleading for relief from our Father above....I needed it....I need it every day. That because of Him...because of the Atonement...because of his suffering and humility...because He overcame death and rose the third day...I am blessed. With blessings I can't even fully appreciate yet. And I am thankful.
