I picture myself as part of an army full of many people-- all different races and personalities, all different backgrounds and upbringings. Our general is one known for fighting many battles and always achieving victory. They say he's never once lost.
Ever since childhood we've prepared to be a part of this majestic army. Other soldiers- wiser and older- would tell us stories of other war heroes, battles fought, and more so, battles won. We would get excited. How hard could it be to come away with victory?
As we grow older we join the ranks and practice long and hard every day.
"Do this, do that." "Yeah, yeah, we know this already," we say. "Just do this, and do that," we're told, "this worked for me when I was in battle," the General tells us, "every time without fail." "Simple," we say. Really, it is. We've been told how to win a million times.
We're excited to show that we know what we've been taught-- we're not as ignorant as some may think!
Messages come each day from the General summoning certain men; it's time to fight! Sometimes it's twenty or thirty men, sometimes just one or two. "We'll be back," they promise. Sometimes they are, other times they aren't.
The ones that return refuse to talk. "What happened?" we ask. "Where did you go? What was it like? Were you scared?" Finally the question: "Well, it was a victory,...right?" "Of course it was!" Someone scoffs, "Afterall, he has always been one of the smartest of all of us." Men nod to this truth. But the man says nothing.
Then my name is called; it's my turn! I line up with a handful of buddies. We're energized and ready to fight! We grab our swords and listen as we're given a few short instructions. It's repeated again one last time, "do this, do that." Shaking our heads we leave. Why listen to this when there's a battle to be won?
As we journey to the front lines, each of us get left at a post. "Stay here, we'll be back" and they're gone again. We all shrug. I sit down and watch as the rest of the men move on. "Good luck!" the captain waves back to me, "If battle comes your way, remember your instructions. Be strong."
Once he leaves I flex my muscles, "Of course." I wait. And wait. Nothing happens.
If battle comes while I'm on post I will conquer, for I am prepared, and can take many men. No army comes, but I don't give up. I keep watch for the other army.
Someone walks into camp behind me. I hardly notice it. It's a child. "Sir," he pleads. "What?" I ask impatiently. "Sir, can I talk to you?" I turn my head back to watching. "Well, may I? he pushes. "Child," I purse my lips, "I don't have time. Talk to me later, find someone else, but I can't listen to you while I have a large enemy body to be watching for, lest they arrive while I'm not watching. "Oh," the child's head falls, "I understand."
"Thank you," I smile. The boy leaves. Back to watching....and waiting....
The captain comes back. He's alone. "Come with me," he instructs. We walk in silence. "How was your battle?" he asks. My expression droops, "There was no battle. No one came." "Is that so?" he asks curiously. "Only a child, no member of any army," I explain. "Ahh," he complies. "What were your last instructions for victory?" he questions.
"I remember them perfectly," proudly I recite them, "Every man's important. Leave no man behind." The captain nods and nothing more is said.
He leads me back to training camp. "Sorry there were no victories," he sympathizes and is off again. I look at my schedule and head to training. One day, after I've had the chance to prove the basics I'll rise to higher levers, higher classes....then one day maybe I'll be general!! But not today. Again, "do this, do that." I shake my head. I KNOW this already! Where are the buddies that went off to war with me? Maybe they were lucky enough to have action...possibly too much action. I frown. One day I'll know.
"Aww, you're back," the General says glumly. "Better luck next time, my friend. I suppose you didn't know your stuff well enough."
"Know my stuff? Know my stuff??!! I've only sat listening to you say the same things over and over again for weeks, months, YEARS on end! How can you think I don't know? I know what I've been taught. You see, I'm back because there WAS no battle. There was no fight, no opportunity to prove myself. Largely, I've been cheated of the opportunity! Give me a battle and let me SHOW you what I know." Fire runs through my veins.
"This seems so unfair to you, does it not?"My breathing is still heavy with frustration. The General speaks on ever so calmly, "One day you will see it. There was a battle fought today...but there was no victory. We've taught it, and you know it-- 'Every man is important.' But some of the largest battles are the smallest in porportion. They're the easiest to lose because they are the hardest to identify."
My face shows my confusion.
"Son, there was a man out there today, a soldier just like you fighting his own battles...and he needed a hero. He needed a man to step in and show him what we believe about not giving up, and not leaving alone. That victory comes through not relying solely upon ones self, but from the much needed assistance of others. You know it, but do you know it well enough to use it? That's what matters, boy. There's a common misconception concerning victories; victories don't lie in the slaying of an enemy and the saving of a nation. Battles come in all shapes and sizes, all colors and appearances, but it's up to you to decide who conquers and who's defeated."
I sit in silence, stunned. Sad. Regretful. Hopeful. Now I know. I know why those men were so grave, so slow to claim a win upon returning. I'm dismissed from class. I return to my routine...I live my life...waiting. Watching. Messages come, and men leave. I don't ask anymore questions. I already know why they've returned. Many days go by, and I study hard all the things I've been taught.
Then it comes! My name is called! Quietly, I rise. My comrades wish me luck, and I thank them generously. This is my chance. 'Remember what you've been taught.' It feels so similar to the time before, but this time I'm ready. If I prove myself, then I'll move on to higher classes, ready to learn new things, new lessons. There is one difference this time. As I turn to leave, I wave goodbye, leaving no promise to return. For, this time, I go to win.
